Today I read a message posted by someone on one of my email lists about life being like a big waiting room. Learning to wait is one of the hardest lessons as a little kid, but as an adult it's not a whole lot easier. Here I thought I had become a more patient individual, but I think I was wrong. I find myself going crazy somedays with this waiting game. I'm constantly questioning myself and sifting through what is paranoid and what is intuition. It's not so easy to tell. Intuition has been spot on in the past, but I'm starting to feel like I'm paranoid with our recent bout of stuff.
I feel like something isn't right. Tests are showing nothing is wrong. This is good, but why do I keep looking for something to be wrong? I don't want anything to be wrong. Or do I? I can't imagine why I would want something to be wrong, so I'm wondering if I'm just paranoid. Do I just ignore these feelings? Brush them aside? How does one cope with paranoia?
I don't want to become the parent who everyone stops listening to because they've cried wolf one too many times, but I don't want to be the person who ignores the obvious because they don't want to be perceived as overreactive. I've got myself in a quandary, don't I???
Anyway, a lot of this is due to just feeling deep down something is going on, but testing is showing nothing. I absolutely abhor the idea of putting him through unnecessary testing, so I've decided I've got to just let it go and believe and trust that if something IS going on, we'll catch it on time. G had his ophthalmologist appointment on Wednesday, and his optic nerve showed no change. We return in eight weeks to continue monitoring and making sure it has no change or gets better.
On another note, I'm a bit excited about progress in the equipment department. On Thursday, G and I went with his regular PT to see another physical therapist about his mobile stander. We were given the mobile stander because it was going to be thrown, but it just wasn't working. The other PT knew how to adjust it, and we now have a functioning stander. We talked about getting wheels and a walker, and it looks like it will be happening soon, hopefully. I'm hoping G is able to gain speed and mobility.